I actually have the itch to write, and my laptop is at the Gateway Repair Center being revived from the land of the dead. Since buying it in June, I've had nothing but trouble with it, but in my mind - that's my writing station. I can't get the same "feel" while writing on my desktop computer.
It's all mental - I get that. It's like a weird baseball-player superstition of wearing the same underwear during a playoff, but it is what it is. I hate that I feel this way. Like, if I was a Real writer, I would be able to write anywhere, anytime. Is that true? Or do all writers have their "favorite" places and ways to write?
Maybe if the desktop weren't in the middle of the living room, where I have to contend with 'Ghostbusters' on the TV all day, I could do it. Even headphones couldn't drown out Bill Murray and the Stay Puft Marshmallow man, I'm afraid. (Thanks Josh!)
I really want to get to my edits too. My good friend Jan (I need a nickname for you, since I'm your 'Goddess' lol) has some really great edits for me.
I've put off this massive edit long enough. I need to get those first 50 into Page To Fame. I have the desire to do it now, but a huge mental block with no laptop. Or is it an excuse? (here I go a-rambling...) I seem to have excuse after excuse as to why I'm not writing. There's always something that keeps me from it. What am I afraid of? Failure? or success? or both?
In my heart I know I should just buckle down and do it. Part of me is just discouraged by everything and anything, so why even try. Another part of me has hope that someday, just maybe, it will be good enough to someone of importance to do something life changing - like sell. But most of me is just scared. Scared that it sucks. Scared that it will be just another one of my failed attempts at something creative. Scared that I will reinforce the knowledge that I'm no good at anything. If I don't try, I can't fail.
If I don't try, I can't succeed either...
I think I need to follow my Jedi training here -
"Do or do not... there is no try."
Original Publication Date: 11/9/10